Oh, the things that we do

Men will always be men. And men will always turn and look at an attractive female. Call it nature, call it hormones. It happens. And I have resigned myself to the fact that I live with a man, and that my man will follow his instincts and never disappoint a female if she happens to be attractive. He will always turn and look when one is in the vicinity. It's like this little radar that men have that starts beeping like crazy everytime a potential victim steps within range.

"Sexy, tall, gorgeous female in the short skirt straight ahead"
"Little to the left bombshell in tight pants"
"On the right the blonde with terrific legs"

He seeks them out. Without fail everytime. And I'm walking right next to him and he may be talking to me about mundane things like bills and buying detergent. But all I'm hearing is the "beep" "beep" from his radar and I'm too busy trying to see who he is checking out. No wonder I miss half of what he is saying. I'm too preoccupied trying to intercept the signals that are being transmitted.

Okay, now that I have mentally accepted the fact that I cannot stop the radar from latching on to signals that are being generated all around me, I have decided that the least I can do is to set up a filter of some kind and have a say in the ones that catch his fancy. So everytime I hear the beeper going:

"To the left, straight ahead sexy dropdead gorgeous"

I turn to see who the signal's coming from and see a woman in a skimpy top and mini skirt. And I turn to him aghast and say, "Sweetheart you can't be serious. That woman's a bitch and she's dressed like a tramp. You cannot possibly be checking her out!"

B looks at me and smiles, "But I like women who dress like tramps."

"But she's old. And she has a kid with her!"

"I've always liked older women."

Now I'm positively shattered. Not only is my husband checking out other females while he is with me. But he's checking out middle aged, trashy females. With kids! That has to be quite the limit. I mean, the least he can do is to look at nice young attractive females. Let me be proud of the ones that are catching his fancy. But not someone who looks like my middle-aged next door neighbor in hot pants. That actually goes ouch! Like a slap in the face. And that is simply unacceptable.

So now when we go out I have my own radar up and running and I take the utmost pains in picking out the very best and drawing his attention to them.

"Honey to your left... over there..... the one in the black skirt.....the one in the tank top.....over there in red".

Of course my radar language is way tamed down compared to the one his radar speaks, but we both understand what we are talking about here. And for the most part I can get him to see what I want him to see. But occasionally signals from his radar can get in the way and cause some interference.

And he goes, "No that one is too skinny. I don't like skinny girls. But on the other hand you see the woman in the tight skirt....she's hot."

And I immediately say, "But you're saying that because her neckline's almost down to her navel. She's old enough to be my mother. Showing some cleavage doesn't make her hot. And just so you know, she's got implants."

I give him a triumphant look.

He looks at me with eyes as wide as saucers and goes, "No way! How the hell do you know that?"

One knowing look later I say, "Sweetheart check out that girl to your left. The one in the spaghetti straps."

And he turns immediately.
I smile.