Thursday, June 29, 2006

Snapshots from her life

She was born first, a couple of minutes before her brother was born, healthier and the bigger of the twins. She survived. Her brother did not. She always felt guilty about holding on to life while her brother could not.

She grows into a beautiful baby. She has her mother's smile. And she hardly ever cries. She is the apple of her Dad's eye.

She is 6 years old. She starts going to school. She has a lot of friends. They play in the yard during lunch break. She is a fast learner and she can't wait to tell her Mom all the new things she learnt in class that day.

She is 10 years old. She tops her class in her final exams. Her Dad buys her a wrist-watch that she proudly wears to school the next day. She swims and paints and learns classical music in her spare time.

She is 15 years old. She dreams of becoming a doctor like her cousin. She looks at herself in the mirror everyday to see if she is as beautiful as her Mom. She has her first crush on a guy who lives a couple of houses down the road from her. She watches him from her window.

She is 20 years old. She is in love with a guy from her class in Medical school. They study together and prep each other for the upcoming test. She decides to be a Pediatrician. She loves little babies.

She is 27 years old. She is getting married. She couldn't be happier. Her Dad cries when she leaves for her in-laws.

She is 35 years old. She is a successful doctor. Her husband is a surgeon. They have an apartment in Jodhpur Park not too far from where she grew up. She has two kids, a girl aged 4 and a baby boy who will be 1 next month.

She is 47 years old. She watches with joy her children growing. Seems like yesterday that they were born and now they are all grown. Her daughter tells her about her boyfriend, a guy she met at the club. She worries a little and wants to meet him at some point. Her son wants to be a tennis star.

She is 56 years old. She is at the airport to see her daughter and son-in-law off as they leave for the US. Her son is studying to be a doctor.

She is 70 years old. She has three grandchildren, two from her daughter and one from her son. She hardly ever sees them as they all live abroad. She has retired and spends her time reading. They decide to buy a place in the country where she can spend time tending to a garden. She is still as much in love with her husband as she was 50 years back.

She feels fulfilled.

She wishes she can go on experiencing life. The way she has been. But she can't. Because she had to live her entire life in one brief moment as she lay on the hospital bed dying from hepatic failure. She was only 15.

AM passed away 6 years back on this date. But her memory lives on, as fresh as ever. I wish she had a chance to live her life. One that held so much promise.

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Blogger Rapid I Movement said...

That was dark.
Aaacha, I always wanted to ask you this...since you're a doc. Have you actually seen someone passing away? Not accidental deaths...but it comes about. What does it feel like? I wonder how I'll die...I wouldn't want to do it in haste though...that'd so ruin the essense of it all. Sad, I won't be able to blog about it though...hehe.

3:43 PM  
Blogger Dreamcatcher said...

That was terribly sad. Was she a friend or a cousin?

3:55 PM  
Blogger Kele Panchu said...

It's a very sad story but thanks to you- she lived her life through your imagination.

4:15 PM  
Blogger M (tread softly upon) said...

@ r.i.m. dark yes, but unfortunately true. And on death, yes, I have witnessed that too. More often than I would have liked to. But usually you are too busy trying to save the person from dying to actually stand around and take notes.
@ dreamcatcher cousin.
@ kele panchu I have tried to live it in many different ways and always come short. It is a very hard thing to accept.

5:15 PM  
Blogger Prerona said...

Loved this. Really ...

Its so straneg hwo we come and go. Sometimes, in a despondant mood, feels like whats the point of anything, bcz everything is so transient. Then again, it passes and you feel/see/think that the filling in the middle, the virtual footprints you leave, are just as worth it. No?

Like you said, She lives on ...

10:42 PM  
Blogger Joyful Heart! said...

so very sad.. i relate to everything you've written

1:36 AM  
Blogger Bonatellis said...

hmmm .. sometimes, living thru this rat race, one tends to overlook all the softer things in life .... and life ...

2:08 AM  
Blogger Casablanca said...

God bless her, wherever she is...

3:11 AM  
Blogger Ekta said...

Awesome post--quite gripping!
And sad too...unfortunately reality is always ugly!

3:47 AM  
Blogger Dadoji said...


8:34 AM  
Blogger M (tread softly upon) said...

@ prerona thanks. Most things in life are transient and fleeting. But like you say the footprints live on.
@ pearl thanks.
@ bonatellis was listening to a song this morning where this guy who had just returned from the funeral of his friend's wife (who had an untimely death) realizes how precious life is. And he buys his wife a dozen roses and comes home to spend the night like it was his last night on earth. I guess the bottom line is to make the most of each day and live it to the fullest.
@ casa amen!
@ ekta thank you. Sometimes reality can be a shocker. Ans sometimes it can be beautiful.
@ dadoji thanks for coming back :)

8:46 AM  
Blogger karmic said...

Loved the story. I know what you mean, we take some of the smaller things in life for granted. Like even the rushed kiss in the morning when you leave the house.

I thought of it cos I tried to not make it rushed this mornign causing *A* to remind me that I would miss the train. :)

Do post a poem you like from the random poetry generator.

9:11 AM  
Blogger Sin said...

So very, very sad! I love your style of writing.

10:55 AM  
Blogger Kausum said...

So much pain, so little hope.

This made me realize, why I decided not to become a doctor.

12:14 PM  
Blogger Dipanjan Das said...

a friend of a senior with whom i am staying in pittsburgh died day before yesterday in his sleep in OH. he was 26 and had no serious illness before. since then, i have only been wondering how random death is. and the feeling is overpowering.

2:17 PM  
Blogger M (tread softly upon) said...

@ karmic_jay well you have a looong weekend to make up for a not-so-rushed kiss ;)
@ truth fairy thank you. It means a lot.
@ kausum now isn't that being a little unfair to the medical profession? After all they are there to try and prevent people from dying and they do succeed a lot of the time. It can be very rewarding. esp if you realize that if weren't for you this guy would have died. There is always hope. Always.
@ dd I'm sorry to hear that. Life is really crazy. We never know why certain things happen. Which is why it is important to live it well, without any regrets.

2:38 PM  
Blogger Kausum said...

No, I am not being unfair. I just said my decision for not pursuing it.
I guess I have my share of these stories,coming from an entire family line of doctors and surgeons,just wouldnt be able to take it myself anymore.

3:46 PM  
Blogger Cee Kay said...

Very profound. Leaves a mark on your heart. I will be thinking about AM for quite some time now - May God rest her soul.

On a separate note - I have been thinking about you. What happened to the Lyme disease scare you had some time back? Have the results come back? Have you had any other symptoms? Hope you are doing well.

4:56 PM  
Blogger nothing said...

I can't say "may god rest her soul" - I don't believe in the hereafter. But with your permission, would like to turn it into a poem. And may I ask, what exactly made you stop visiting my blog completely? I have even 'gone public' again, so now you don't even have to remember the tortuous link. what happended? please let me know by mail or something, because I'm completely mystified. And I think you'd actually like the way the writing's been shaping up in the last couple of months. Please come back again.

7:32 AM  
Blogger Bidi-K said...

oh that's so sad. and it was an unexpected ending.

7:57 AM  
Blogger twip said...

Oh my. This post reminded me of my neighbor, many years ago in India. He had a corn on his feet and he was cheerfully telling us kids that he was going to get it operated.

He passed away, on the day of the operation thanks to the imbecile nurse who messed up his anesthesia.

It still shakes me up.

1:09 AM  
Blogger Anand said...

oh damn!
And i thot atleast this one had a happy ending!:-(

2:37 AM  
Blogger M (tread softly upon) said...

@ kausum and that is exactly what I was trying to say....for every case that turns bad/ sad, there will be a hundred that make you smile and feel fulfilled. Thus making your profession quite worth it.
@ gettingthere oh that is so sweet of you to ask. Yes I did get the serology test done and it came back negative. The flu like symptoms and muscle aches were probably some virus I picked up around the same time. Just some kind of coincidence. I am doing absolutely okay now. Thanks for asking.
@ the still dancer you are most welcome to write a poem on AM. I am sure her parents would be happy to read it. And if there is a hereafter (and I did say if) may be she would be smiling too.
And you are being so unfair when you make the other accusation. I didn't know about the going public bit, but I do visit and read all the time. Just comment kori ni. And yes, there have been some really wonderful gems recently. I mean it. But am glad for whatever reason tomar paayer dhulo ekhane porechhe!
@ bidisha it was very sad and totally unexpected. She got Hep B.
@ megha oh my God! I know that mistakes happen and sometimes they cost dearly. But that is so horrible. It would shake me up too.
@ anand thanks for visiting my blog. And I assure you most of what I write is happy. Some people even accuse me of being optimistic to the point of being unreal. So do stop by again and may be I'll have a post that may give you a warm and fuzzy feeling.

8:20 AM  
Blogger nothing said...

in that case, my apologies. Fact is, I'm not too good at IP tracking and all that, so comments are the only way I know if someone's there or not. And not having heard from you at all, was afraid I'd somehow lost one of my most sensitive readers. Will take up the poem then.

12:52 PM  
Blogger ghetufool said...

you are a doctor, fine.
you are doomed for your life. no argument still.
but, the question is, what right you have, to make us cry.

4:15 PM  
Blogger M (tread softly upon) said...

@ the still dancer I am honored and look forward to reading the poem. And honestly I really enjoy what you are writing. Most of it is simply brilliant.
@ ghetufool may be I just wanted to share a few tears together. Sometimes I am just glad I can write to let it out.

4:58 PM  
Blogger Tabula Rasa said...


2:08 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You should become an writer. Take my word for it, you will do very well. You would be such a perfect person to have as a friend and talk to.

Reminded me so much of the song '100 years' by Five for Fighting

"I'm 15 for a moment
Caught in between 10 and 20
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are
I'm 22 for a moment
She feels better than ever
And we're on fire
Making our way back from Mars
15 there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to lose
15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live .."


1:17 AM  
Blogger M (tread softly upon) said...

@ t.b.g. thanks for the compliment and may be someday when I can afford to quit this rat race I can settle down and do the things that I actually enjoy doing, like writing and letting out my thoughts.

9:18 AM  

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