Friday, May 12, 2006

Realizations and Celebrations

I've always questioned the need for a special day to celebrate someone. Why do we need to celebrate birthdays and anniversaries? Why do we have days like Valentine's day and Mother's day and Father's day and the likes? I never thought that I should need a special day earmarked to celebrate any of the persons who make a difference in my life. Why should I be restricted to any one day in the year to say things like "I love you" or "You mean the world to me"? And I refrained from celebrating the so called celebration days simply to prove a point. Therefore I never wined and dined on Valentine's day, never sent a card to Mom on Mother's day or bought a gift for Dad on Father's day. (And the rest of the "days" haven't even registered in my subconscious yet. )

But this year I am having guilty pangs about being totally self-centered. I just look at things from my point of view. I don't do these things because I am only trying to prove a point. But what about the people on the receiving end? May be they have a different point of view and different expectations. May be my Mom keeps checking the mailbox for a card from her daughter who lives across the miles. May be she stays home so that she will not miss the delivery guy when he brings in some flowers. May be she sits by the phone hoping that I will call. May be my Dad checks his email every hour for an email wishing him on the special day. May be they feel sad when they they see others getting cards and gifts and wishes from their children while they sit and wait for something that never comes. May be.

And that makes me such a jerk. For not looking at things from their perspective. For only thinking about myself and how I see things. True, I do not need a special day to celebrate my parents or my husband and my love for them. But I don't go about being very effusive about the way I feel on any of the other days either. So having a day set aside when you can show them with very little effort that you care about them, love them and are grateful for their presence in your life, might not be such a bad thing. Because I for one find it very difficult to say the things that I feel inside of me. I find it easier to write. Yet I can never show them what I write. No one in my family has ever read one line from my blog. And I am glad. Because I'd be too embarassed to write the things I want to say to them if I know that they are going to read it.

My family loves me too much to ever tell me that they are disappointed by my indifferent attitude on a day that they expect to be special. And may be all they ever want is me to acknowledge their presence in my life and wish them. That is not asking for too much. And I ask myself why after all these years did this realization suddenly dawn on me? Why have I never thought about it before? I know how much the little gestures mean to my family. And it takes so little to bring a smile, spread some joy and make someone feel special.

So this year I aim to make the most of the situation. My parents will be with me on both Mother's day as well as Father's day. I will celebrate the days and what they are all about by making my parents feel loved and special on the days that have been earmarked for them. I will never let another special day go by with having my loved ones feeling disappointed and sad. And as for B, it is our anniversary this weekend. I promise to make it up to him too.

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Blogger Trevor Penn said...

Special days/occasions are probably meant for people who find it difficult to express their emotions... Perhaps it makes it easier for them to come out of their shell and do what the whole world is doing !!!

Also, when there can be a childrens day or a teachers day (in India), there is more than enough reason to celebrate a Mothers day or a Fathers day. There ain't nothing wrong about making someone feel extra special on a marked day.

1:17 PM  
Blogger jhantu said...

I guess whn ur many many miles away from ur family, those small things like mother/father's day means a lot more to ur family than when ur right with them. My mom hadnr heard of mother's day till a couple of years ago. And so i pamper her a little on that day.

4:14 PM  
Blogger Priya said...

Because I for one find it very difficult to say the things that I feel inside of me. I find it easier to write. Yet I can never show them what I write. No one in my family has ever read one line from my blog.
Ditto. I recently realised, Ma wants to be pampered and made to feel special particularly on Mother's Day. I had never really cared much for any of these days just like you. Still don't. I decide what's special about a day. But guess, I could make some exceptions once in a while.

1:10 AM  
Blogger Priya said...

Ooops sorry, forgot to wish u and B a very happy anniversary. Have a wonderful weekend.

2:25 AM  
Blogger Sue said...

Y'know, I don't precisely want Valentine's Day spoiling, but would love it if V changed his mind and indulged me one year. It's not that he doesn't normally, but I've never forgotten how nice it was to receive flowers and cards, and I guess it'd be nice if he did it too. Even just once would do.

Then the onus would be me though!

6:18 AM  
Blogger NoviceProgrammer said...

Happy Anniversary!!

I am also the kind not particularly comfortable with all these special days...they seem like thrust upon us by the card companies...but as you said - how good am I at showing my appreciation for friends and family on the "normal" days? Not too good...I ll try and change that too...:)

8:34 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Congratulations for you and B. Make sureyou make him feel really Special! Trust me.. It works all the time! *wink*

12:31 PM  
Blogger That Girl said...

Happy anniversary!!
hope you have a great weekend!!! :D

1:52 PM  
Blogger Trevor Penn said...

Back to wish you happy anniversary :).

3:19 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey there

that was quite true. And enjoy mother's day and father's day - god knows your parents deserve it after 4 long years


3:42 PM  
Blogger Prerona said...

hope u enjoyed it, then

10:39 AM  
Blogger Fosix said...

yeah, i dont believe in these Hallmark days either... its just very good marketing on their part to make you feel guilty and then you go out and buy their stuff...

happy anniversary !!

11:23 AM  
Blogger Bonatellis said...

incidentally, today i blv is Mother's Day ... my mom is with me now, and I took her out to buy her something :)

1:17 PM  
Blogger Bidi-K said...

happy anniversary! :)

5:58 PM  
Blogger Ratna said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

7:05 PM  
Blogger Ratna said...

Happy Anniversary :)

7:06 PM  
Blogger GhostOfTomJoad said...

Happy aniversary...belatedly :-)

1:42 AM  
Blogger M (tread softly upon) said...

@ seashells agreed nothing wrong with trying to make someone feel special. Anytime, anyday.
@ me-jhantu-nahi-hoo thanks for stopping here. And you are right....we had no idea about all these days until a few years. But we had a great time yesterday and i'm glad.
@ priya thanks. And true making exceptions when you are doing it for someone you love makes perfect sense. And trust me, it's worth every second.
@ sue :)) I know what you mean. And it always makes the other person feel good and happy and loved. So why not?
@ siddharth thanks. And right, anyday will do as long as we show them that we care.
@ anjaan thanks. And yes we had a nice time. The first time we celebrated our anniversary with the family around us.
@ grafxgurl thank you so much!
@ seashells thanks. Again :)
@ t.b.g. we had a great time. And my mom loved every minute of the her day.
@ prero we did, thanks!
@ fosix that's the way I feel too. Sly marketing, emotional blackmailing. But I indulged and it sure felt good to see that smile on mom's face. I'll do it a million more times just to see that happen everytime.
@ bonatellis I'm glad you did. I'm sure she loved it.
@ bidisha thank you.
@ Ratna thank you too.
@ ghostoftomjoad you too. Hope you are doing okay now. Nice seeing you here.

9:18 AM  
Blogger Arindam said...

Special days are meant for setting aside a day for people we completely take for granted most of the time. No matter how we'd like to make people feel special all the time, any time, everywhere... it doesn't happen. And these days help. ever so slightly, but it helps.

12:36 PM  
Blogger M (tread softly upon) said...

@ quincy nice seeing you here after a long time. You are right about taking people we love for granted. Which is why it is more important to let them know that we care.

10:07 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

my dad smses me on mom's day to remind me to wish mom, and my mom does the same for dad's day. I think it's sweet to wish them. =)
If there was a daughter's day, I'm sure they wouldn't spare any bones.

5:37 AM  
Blogger M (tread softly upon) said...

@ drops of jupiter "If there was a daughter's day, I'm sure they wouldn't spare any bones." couldn't agree with you more.

8:49 AM  
Blogger Cee Kay said...

Being showered with special attention on a particular day of the year, every year, so you can look forward to it - that is a priceless gift one can ever get. We can celebrate these days without cards. Like you said - maybe our parents and our beaus look forward to these days just because they make them realize how important they are in someone else's life.

This Mother's day, my daughter kept coming to me every 2-3 hours to say "Did you know you are the best mommy in the whole wide world? Happy Mother's day!". THAT WAS SO SPECIAL. She helped me do things throughout the day because "It is Mother's day and moms aren't supposed to work today". That is what these days are about - IMHO.

12:48 PM  
Blogger Mint Chutney said...

Awww. Happy Anniversary M!

9:22 PM  
Blogger Ron said...

Now you've mad eme feel guilty for not doing anything for Mothers Day :(

2:47 AM  
Blogger ubergeek said...

Hey, I've been xctly that way too. Hmm...maybe I ought to do a rethink like u've done.

7:59 AM  
Blogger M (tread softly upon) said...

@ gettingthere thanks for visiting my blog. And yes I can imagine how special it feels when someone you love shows how much you mean to him/her. That really is what these days are all about.
@ mint chutney thanks a ton!
@ ron come on now....I wasn't trying to make you feel guilty. May be you really don't need a separate day to make your loved ones feel special. So go....make your mom feel loved and special today. That should be nice.
@ ubergeek trust me it made my day special too. Just to see that smile on her face and the way she was radiating happiness. she called up everyone to tell them how special her day was. It is really worth it.

8:25 AM  
Blogger educatedunemployed said...

See that is the entire problem. Expectations. I don't expect my friends/family to never remember me all of a year and then suddenly one day send the delivery man my way to bring me flowers.

My point is it doesn't work that way.Love affection celebration should be a constant and evolving process not statutory incidences.

5:44 PM  

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