Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Even Cowboys cry, sometimes

Does being romantic come in the way of being macho? I've always wondered how a guy knows where to draw the line.

When I go to buy a card and read all the mushy things that Hallmark has to say it touches a chord within. Like all the things I want to say, wish I could say being handed to me on a a card. And yes, I totally love receiving those wordy-feely-drippy cards myself. And I can't for my life understand why it is embarrasing for guys to buy cards like that. Don't they realize that buying a card like that will earn you points, no matter what?

And all those things that guys dismiss as being cheesy, soppy, schmaltzy, and mushy, like flowers and chocolates and candle-lit dinners and gondola rides and kissing under the mistletoe, seem like reasonably romantic gestures to me. And I'm not saying that guys don't do all of that. Some of them actually do. But they make it out to be such a task, like it was something they wouldn't have done under normal circumstances. Or so they brag to their "men" friends. Because it is not considered "macho"?

I love watching hopeless romantic movies and I will sit and cry my eyes out when Cary Grant finds out why Deborah Kerr did not meet him on top of the Empire State Building in An Affair to Remember, or when Clark Gable kisses Vivien Leigh in Gone with the Wind or when Richard Gere comes riding the limosine waving a bouquet for Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman or that scene from A Walk in the Clouds or When Harry met Sally or that last scene in Ghost. I cry because I am happy that there is so much love around. Love makes me cry. Yeah, I am kind of crazy that way. And I just cannot picture a guy sitting around and watching those movies with me. And wiping tears of joy. Or even appreciating the fact that it is all so beautiful. Guys just laugh, smirk, call it a "chick-flick" and walk away. Leaving you with a box of tissues and a runny nose.

Okay so guys draw the line when it comes to being soppy and emotional. But when that translates into being romantic what is a guy to do? How would a guy know why the arrogance and pride of Mr. Darcy appeals to so many women if he has dismissed Austen's Pride and Prejudice as chick lit? Or why Edward Lewis (Richard Gere) of Pretty Woman appealed to millions of females across the globe in spite of his character's infidelity and sleeping with a 'hooker'. And why Bryan Adam's (Everything I do) I DoIt For You broke all pop chart records. Guys will never get it, will they?

A pity. Because I would find a guy macho even if he shed a few tears and held my hand during a movie. Okay may be not tears, but handing me a tissue would be nice. And then decided to buy me a present for no reason at all. And no, an oil change gift certificate from Jiffy Lube does not count. Perfume, lingerie or chocolate would be nice, thank you. Perfumed candles, bath oils, a dozen roses....bring 'em on. And I think a guy going down on one knee with a ring in his hand is mighty sexy. But that's just me. And I'm a woman. And that doesn't count, does it?

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Anonymous Medha said...

I totally love receiving those wordy-feely-drippy cards myself. And I can't for my life understand why it is embarrasing for guys to buy cards like that. Don't they realize that buying a card like that will earn you points, no matter what?

OMG!!! You SO wrote what i have been thinking the entire dayy!!! Because i recieved a card from someone today and it was nice card n all, but i was just thinking that would it kill to send me a lil' more romantic or mushy sorta card?! Oh well, i am not complaining! Really. Just that ... you know.... sigh!

And, i discovered Clarke Gable, Cary Grant and Jimmy Stewart while watching some of the movies from the enormous movie collection that my dad has and i just fell in LOVE WITH THEM!! THEY WERE SOOOO DASHINGGGGGG! *faints* Woooooh!! =D

Do men half as good looking as them EXIST ANYMORE??! I don't think so!! :((

3:39 PM  
Blogger Chilla-Bong said...

Once again I think you are generalizing.Not sure of Pride and Prejudice..cud never read so fat a novel.But the other movie scenes that you talk of are some of the best romantic moments of Hollywood to me and most of my male friends too.But somehow the male tear-duct suffers the same draught as Sahara desert.Maybe you can explain better whether they are differently designed than the female ones.And regarding presents methinks while the woman is more concerned about the gestures that love is expressed,a guy thinks love is abstract.No earthly goodies can ever translate it.Otherwise how you explain the action of a guy I know who can recite the value of pi to 30 decimal places always forgets to buy roses on his anniversery :)

3:52 PM  
Blogger Ghetufool said...

you must have found a hen-pecked husband mighty sexy. booooo

4:31 PM  
Blogger Tabula Rasa said...

But that's just me. And I'm a woman. And that doesn't count, does it?

What do you expect me to say -- no, it doesn't? :-D

5:26 PM  
Blogger Jinguchakka said...

hmm..Guys are under enormous pressure to live by stereotypes. Girls if they are feminine, they are as expected. If they are not, they are path-breaking! They get to win-win.
BTW, When Harry met Sally didn't seem so romantic. Maybe it's a girl thing! :-)

6:24 PM  
Blogger Rimi said...

@Chilla-Bong: And regarding presents methinks while the woman is more concerned about the gestures that love is expressed,a guy thinks love is abstract.

M's generalising, and you're not? People in glass houses, etc.

Going off the topic here, I think it's impossible to avoid generalising when dealing with gender issues. One can -- and to my mind, should -- certainly add caveats claiming the views as products of a personal thought preocess or saying that it's a generalisation (like M did in her previous post), but while 'you're generalising' is often a good beginning to an argument, I don't see how you can avoid it.

@Ghrtufool--I hope your comment was a joke?

M, sorry if I'm treading on your toes here.

9:15 PM  
Blogger Cacophoenix said...

I have felt just the way you feel plenty of times. We have birthdays days of each other and I painstakingly made a cake from scratch for him and suprised him with candles and all and for mine he suprised me too..with the other half of hte cake and the half dripped candles sticking to it...I wanted to sob my heart out. But that is one of the funniest first years of Marriage jokes I tell people. It is irritating when you put so much thought into something and when you feel they don't. But when he grabs your hand tight or drives 30 odd miles just so you won't have to take a taxi, my heart gets warm...

9:32 PM  
Blogger Prerona said...

i guess its just a social conditionaing / gender evolution thing :)

9:49 PM  
Blogger Kausum said...

Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus.

Men are romantic, but just not the way you would like them to be. Men I think do not show romantic gestures by buying cards or feel its a waste of emotions to drop tears over a movie. They would drive 30 miles to pick you up, but would not perhaps sit with you for the romantic movie and then give you tissues. In the evoloution cycle,men were mostly worried about their responsibilities like bringing the booty home, protect their loved ones. Maybe showing gestures may not be such a priority.

Wouldnt it be a coincidence, that Jane Austen a female writer, stereotyped an image of males that would be liked by females. Havent the movies just stereotyped a male who would be fascinating for the females. But may not be a real male?

10:34 PM  
Blogger Chilla-Bong said...

@Rimi,you have shattered my glass house logic to bits-n-pieces.Now I've to spend time cleaning all the glass pieces...but one thing I just realised while all the pieces are of different shapes and sizes all of them has the same physical and optical property of that a generalization too?

12:56 AM  
Anonymous IdeaSmith said...

Are you sure? Personally I like those annoying quirks in my men. I'm not one to cry at mushy movies myself but I do like watching them anyway. I'm not sure I'd know what to do if my date started snivelling in the middle of 'A walk in the clouds' though. I'd really rather have a guy who fidgets than that. But well, even my ex- says I have 'questionable taste in men'.

4:15 AM  
Blogger Perspective Inc. said...

hmm.. i usually cringe at overtly senti men..i find them suspect..but i then would be generalizing too...

5:11 AM  
Blogger impulsar said...

I did something once which I now seriously feel was silly but still romantically silly.
A bunch of friends and I had gone on a bike trip. It rained and we took shelter in an old couple's nice white house. 'The girl' wanted to pick a rose flower from the garden but was prevented by the sudden appearence of the lady of the house.

After two months, i wanted to propose to 'the girl' and drove around 100 kms with a friend to fetch that flower for her. Alas! couldn't give it to her :)

But it was nice to be stupid

7:37 AM  
Blogger Brazen Head said...

The trouble is that what is "romantic" is prescribed by Hallmark and movies and culturally reinforced. All the things you mention (roses, candlelight dinners) are for most part constructs of American corporate idea of being romantic (I bet, driven by rich, unromantic men) based on loose constructs from olde novels and fragmented constructs. I am sure there are other genstures that would serve just as well within other cultures.

And I think it happens.

Then after a while, eros fades away and agape takes over. Then, flowers and candy become more ritualistic. Flooded basements and undone dirty laundry come into view. Sleep becomes more prized.

But you are right, being romantic and being mach can co-exit. Probably does co-exit, even outside the movies.

But it looks much better in the movies; they have bigger udgets for looking good and outtakes if things go wrong the first time.

7:48 AM  
Blogger Rapid I Movement said...

Not to come in the way of your romance-mongering, I think brazenhead has a point.

Like, coming from a joint (and okay, somewhat conservative) family I've never (ever!) seen my mom-dad, jethu/jethimas, mama/mamis making the slightest public displays of romance (making out or suchlike).

But I'm sure they know as much about "love" as we do. They just don't blog/brag about it as most of us do.

And the
Hallmark/Hollywood/Bollywood-ised version of romance, true, is fun, but...naah, not quite "it" :)

Have you watched the old Bengali version of Porineeta...Soumitra, et al? that with the newer Hindi version, and may what you'll get what I'm trying to say.

ps:And for the record, I'm NOT retro, just a tad conservative. Blame it on the upbringing.

10:59 AM  
Anonymous p said...

I just wanted to say a few things on Pride and Prejudice and Gone with the Wind.

Written in 1813, the character of Elizabeth Bennet in Pride and Prejudice was quite revolutionary and very empowering. She was not one of those to care for mushy stuff. Here were two people, Elizabeth Bennet and Darcy, who had much trouble overcoming their arrogance and opening up their true feelings.

And in Gone with the Wind, Scarlett O'Hara (Vivien Leigh) was never in love or never realized that she was in love with Rhett Butler (Clark Gable) until it was too late. She always thought she loved Ashley until she realized she did not. What an irony!

In both of these novels, the characters are so real because they are not perfect. And that is how human nature is, not perfect.

At least these two novels are quite contrary to chocolates, and flowers and presents and candles and scented oils....

11:17 AM  
Blogger Sheetal said...

Hi there!

Just came across your blog- really like it :)

Will definitely be back for a visit soon...

Take care
Sheetal (South Africa)

12:00 PM  
Blogger M (tread softly upon) said...

@ medha well sometimes the male ego gets in the way of being drippy and romantic esp when it comes to buying cards and showing affection. The standard line would go "well you should know how i feel and you don't need a card or something to tell you that". So there...just be happy that you got a card. Now isn't that something? :))
@ chilla bong :)) Pride and prejudice was dismissed for being a "fat novel" which is around 350 pages I believe. But you've probably read Ayn Rand which would be atleast twice that size. But then may be you are right. Size matters :))
And yes of course I am generalizing. Yet again. Did you think otherwise?
And did you say you actually loved those movies i mentioned? And that there are more "men" who I can add to my buddy list the next time I watch Ghost/ Pretty woman/ A walk in the Clouds for the umpteenth time? That is such a relief since I am so tired of watching them all by myself. And no, you don't have to cry.
@ ghetufool :)) the part about a guy on a knee with a ring is part of my fantasy and we all know that fantasies are things that cannot be attained in real life. Hell I couldn't even get B to ask me to marry him, let alone play out romantic fantasies :))
@ t.r. but of course :))
@ jinguchakka oh the pleasures of being a woman :))
When Harry met Sally *sigh* my point exactly :)
@ rimi oh not at all sweetheart :)gender issues are such delicious topics to generalize on :))
@ cacophoenix "But when he grabs your hand tight or drives 30 odd miles just so you won't have to take a taxi, my heart gets warm" and that is exactly why we love them, don't we? Inspite of all their quirks.
@ prerona or that they sprung from different planets as kausum says.
@ kausum "Maybe showing gestures may not be such a priority." why? why not do something that makes the woman happy? Showing affection isn't all that bad is it?
@ ideasmith "I'm not sure I'd know what to do if my date started snivelling in the middle of 'A walk in the clouds' though. I'd really rather have a guy who fidgets than that." yeah me too. Or at least one who'd sit and watch it would me. can't even get a guy to do that :)
@ perspective inc. :)) Generalization is fun. And "all generalizations are dangerous, even this one" :))
@ impulsar can you alsmot hear half a dozen females go "oh how sweet" and the men going "what the ****"? yup, that's life. Good for you though!

12:14 PM  
Blogger Swapna said...

Well... I don't think that Mr. Darcy is a romantic guy. He's the kind of guy who would protect you, take care of you and love you. He'd make sure you knew you were loved but romantic gestures... most guys don't know how to make them.

I totally agree with the rest of what you've said, through. I love watching and crying over romance movies and books... there's just something so magical to me about them... Guys will never get what romance is all about. But hey, if I get someone like Mr. Darcy, I don't mind missing the romance part.. at least not much. :)

2:49 PM  
Blogger vuttaa said...

hevvy fUndoo dissKason!
M loving it, o triNoyon :)

tobe amar o ekta sssort boktobYo aase! mayB that's beYond the point of debate here and a gross generalizatoo too (disclaimer added). someWhere heard that the female species are like the number 9. any number u add to it, comes back as the same number. the point is... [PAUSE]

4:30 PM  
Blogger it wasn't me! said...

I doubt most women want to be with an overly expressive, very-much-in-touch-with-his-feminine-side, jane-austen-reading, crying-at-theatres kind of guy.

In general (I think) women like men who are strong, stable and able to remain calm in situations of duress. Someone who holds you closer to him when you are walking down the street and he senses a street-thug looking at you. Someone who gives you his jacket when u are cold walking down the street with him.

Isn't a jacket on a cold evening better than the best stuff hallmark has to offer?

5:02 PM  
Blogger M (tread softly upon) said...

@ brazenhead but of course they can co-exist :) That's the whole point. They do coexist. But men are pathetic when it comes to expressing it. And yes hallmark and rose bouquets are corporate creations as is Valentines Day and the lot. And yes you really don't need all these things to show affection but I wouldn't mind getting a sentimental card for no apparent reason. Isn't that the entire point?
@ r.i.m. :)) I haven't seen my parents or extended family display affection or express love. The same way I haven't seen them doing a lot of things that I have done. The point is to do what you believe is right. Not what you've seen generations ahead of you do. In that case we'd still be stuck in the middle ages. I'm conservative too. BUt that doesn't mean I wouldn't enjoy a little sentimental romantic gesture. And I'm not saying that men cannot love or they love any less than women. It's the display which is jarred. And which may go a long way in building a relation.

8:35 PM  
Blogger M (tread softly upon) said...

@ p no one expects perfection in a partner. It's the imperfections that make us human. And honestly we love our men for what they are. Just trying to say that overhyped display of romance might not be such a bad thing afterall. If the whole point is making the other person happy, then giving up a little of that overhyped macho image may end up making one more of a knight in shining armor.
@ sheetal hi and welcome to my blog. Hope you come back again.

8:39 PM  
Blogger M (tread softly upon) said...

@ swapna well i don't really think men actually get what it is about Darcy that makes girls swoon. Read somewhere that he still tops the list of fictional characters that women would want to settle for. And it was what he was that makes him so desirable. And yeah agree with what you say there.
@ vuttaa just another reason why men are from mars and we aren't. Just failed to get the point :))
@ it wasn't me oh yes anyday...and yes we love our men for being what they are. And I would be shocked if suddenly my man would turn all drippy and soppy because that would be so unlike him. But when he does surprise me with something uncharacteristic it feels great :)That is after he has given me his jacket :))

8:45 PM  
Anonymous Plotemy said...

Wow! what a fantasy post. Seriously, all your fantasies are here. But you jolt back to reality at the last sentence - I am a woman. And that doesn't count. So true.

And let me explain you why the last sentence is correct. As all women, there is a dream world and there is a real world. You all (I am generalizing, as is the case in the blog, as explained earlier, how else do you start an argument.) like to dream that world, but when you want to select you want the real world. You will tell men what you want according to your fantasies, but you will select what you want as real. How many times, have you said, "He is not all that, but he is genuine"

I ask all you women to answer this question - "Would you like to be with a man, who sits with you and watches a silly romantic / chick flick and then sheds a tear or two and both of you are dabbing your eyes with tissues and hugging each other." (Men - sacrilege isnt it or such a person is gay!)

In reality, the answer will be NO. But for the sake of stereotyping, you would like men to be of that nature. You would like men to be the strong type, the profound type, the puzzle which you want to solve and thats what draws you to men. You dont want them to be the ones who are "mushy, like flowers and chocolates and candle-lit dinners and gondola rides and kissing under the mistletoe" Thats the truth.

Think about it and be truthful, you wont find a guy - a guy itself who sits with you and sheds tears. You will want the lingerie, but you also want the oil change gift certificate.

You need gestures to satisfy your dreams and puzzles in real life. And thats why you dont count coz you are a woman.

8:50 PM  
Anonymous Medha said...

Yup, i am extremely happy that it was something! And also satisfied. Hence, no complaints! :)

11:33 PM  
Blogger GhostOfTomJoad said...

As with everything else, there have to be two sides to this as well, right? His side and her's :-)

Incidentally, have you heard 'A Room of Our Own' by Billy Joel?

1:29 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

so typically girlish :)
but then, you are what you are ;)

- Bonatellis

3:33 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hey m

I think guys have the same emotions, but to keep up the macho impression we sometimes just dont show emotion.

Nice post as always and yes I've been reading all your posts for the time I've been missing :) - Hope you have been well

cheers !!

5:54 AM  
Blogger M (tread softly upon) said...

@ plotemy Trust me, all my fantasies are definitely not in here :))

Don't we all have a "dream world" and a "real world"? I mean without doubt every man has his dream world too. And while his dream world may comprise of playmates feeding him grapes and lazing on a beach with girls in bikinis, ultimately he comes back to his real world which comprises "Flooded basements and undone dirty laundry" (as brazen head pointed so well). So aren't we (collective generalization for women here) allowed to dabble in a little fantasy too? And while Darcy and Rhett Butler might appeal a lot in the "dream world" in reality they might not be around to fix a leaking toilet and change the light bulb or put his jacket over our shoulders on a chilly night.
"But for the sake of stereotyping, you would like men to be of that nature. You would like men to be the strong type, the profound type, the puzzle which you want to solve and thats what draws you to men. You dont want them to be the ones who are "mushy, like flowers and chocolates and candle-lit dinners and gondola rides and kissing under the mistletoe" Thats the truth."
You are partly right there. Yes we want our men to be the strong, profound type. The one we spend our entire life trying to figure. The one who will stand by us when we need them, the one who will be there through thick and sickness and in health...(you know the rest I'm assuming). But we also like them when they come home with flowers or a box of chocolate. When they kiss us on a sudden impulse. When they will take you on a gondola ride on a moonlit night. And why not? Everybody likes being treated special. To feel loved and wanted and cherished. And doing any of those mushy things is not going to keep him from being the strong kind who stands over protecting is during the storm. All I am trying to say here is that a man can be both. He can be the macho kind that we adore, and he can sometimes be the romantic "dreamworld" hero and still be just as macho. And you say it yourself "You will want the lingerie, but you also want the oil change gift certificate."

And just so you get what I meant by that last sentence which you seem to have taken such a fancy to:
It doesn't matter whether we (as women again) like it or not, men will always be men and they'll never quite get it.
And thanks for leaving this comment. You just proved my point!
@ medha good for you! :)
@ ghostoftomjoad there's always two sides to a story. Sometimes even more. And that's what makes the story so interesting, don't you think. I've heard the song :)"You've got love darlin', I've got sex" That's exactly what I meant about guys not getting it :))
@ bonatellis :) "I am therefore I am"
@ t.b.g. nice to see you after all this time. Glad to know you're still around.
"I think guys have the same emotions, but to keep up the macho impression we sometimes just dont show emotion."
My question is why? Why is it so important to keep up with an image? Why not do what feels good or right?

8:54 AM  
Anonymous KK said...

I am a little dense, after this huge post and so many comments, some questions I have:

Are you sure, the husband is allowed the luxury of doing what feels good?

Who defines the 'right' thing to do? the wife?

Name some romantic gestures, women do towards men?

and finally, arguments are the founding stones for generalization. Not the other way round.

How do you distinguish between a guy not actually interested and faking his disinterest to keep an image?

Why is taking out to lunch for all you can eat buffet not romantic but a candle light dinner is?

Why is gifting a Toaster not romantic, but a Hallmark card is?

9:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

its to do with self esteem for the guys. its all about keeping up the facade. a lot of guys (I was tempted to say "all") get the mush, actually enjoy it, But can never admit it. I mean, think abiout it, how foolish one looks getting down on one's knees? there are many ways to skin a cat, some guys are able to do oil cans and flowers both(though timing has known to be off - i once gave my wife socks for her birthday!), the trick is to know what's important for her most of the time. not rocket science.

10:52 PM  
Blogger shruti said...

hello dear,
guys do have emotions and the fact is that they are more sensible than girls..its just that they want to show themselves tough because if they tnd to week how a girl will rely on him...that he is man who can provide her full support on her good and bad times...

2:59 AM  
Blogger krystyna said...

Wonderful blog and very nice the kind of writing.
Keep up nice work!

All the best to you!

6:35 AM  
Blogger Urban Bourbon Ninja said...

candles and chocolate and perfumed stuff cost money, you know??

Ok i know you know, but i just had to comment.

8:53 AM  
Anonymous Just Mohit said...

Hi M,
Came today to this place after a long time...nice to see the heated debate your posts inspire...probably because they touch a chord somewhere.
Keep writing!

11:02 AM  
Blogger Pallavi said...

Sounds like genuine rambling from your heart..:).

3:10 PM  
Blogger Seashells said...

Firstoff, i don't think there has to be a line between romanticism and machismo. IMHO, die-hard romanticism can lead to kill-for/die-for machismo...

BTW, how would you define "macho" in mordern times ??? not everybody can be a cowboy. does doing the plumbing or the yard work around the house cut it ??? or does it have to do with watching WWE and busting some PS2 ass... or will just pumping iron on protein supplements do the trick... ?? ? how do women classify macho ???

Anyway, if this post of yours happens to be the general truth, then you make me feel like an anomaly !!! i'm not complaining about being one... but i find it hard to believe...

2:40 AM  
Blogger Sue said...

See, all my boyfriends have cried in front of me, even V when he was one. Of course, maybe I have that effect on them, but the point is they did and felt no less macho. (Maybe I have that effect on them too?)


7:03 AM  
Blogger M (tread softly upon) said...

@ kk I guess the "right" thing works both ways. Love is a two-way street. And both parties have to look out for the happiness of the other. So like we look forward to romantic cards and presents, we try to make our men happy by doing things that appeal to them. You sat name things that women do that are romantic. For the most part men do not care much for romantic gestures, the sme way as women do. That has been established for a fact by most guys who have commented here. So what does a guy care about? Usually they need to feel loved, cared for and pampered. Like they are the most importnat thing in your life. And women do that by cooking them warm meals, and doing their laundry, getting things done around the house, letting them spend their day doing things that they like doing. For them, that is love. Or so I've been led to believe.
So while a girl may not appreciate a toaster as a present but crave for chocolates, a guy will be disappointed with flowers but would be very happy if given a power drill. Its all in the perception and in the way God made us :)
@ anon LOL you actually gave her socks? And you are absolutely right there. The trick is to understand what is important to the other person.
@ shruti that was the whole point of this discussion. Why is it deemed necessary to put forth a "macho" image when doing any of those silly things may still make you a hero in the eyes of your girl.
@ krystyna hey thanks for stopping by!
@ urban bourbon ninja not really. A decent card would be 5 bucks tops, a candle would be somewhere in the same ballpark (unless you are getting her one of those huge family size house warmers) and a a dozen roses would be 9.99! Compare that to an oil change certificate which would be around 30 bucks! It is definitely not about the money. Men always spend money on their girls but no in the right department :)
@ just mohit it was real good to see you back. They ouch a chord, but sometimes only to irk it seems :)
@ pallavi :) I'm not saying that this is personal, just that the vast majority of men I have seen seem to fit the bill.
@ seashells exceptions always prove the rule, right? What is "macho"? No not watching fight sequences and shooting people in crazy games. Macho is what you say, doing the plumbing, fixing the house, working the yard. And being there when you need him. In rain and snow, you know to do the shovelling :)And also being there when I'm sad and snivelling to put an arm around me. Or being there to bring a smile on with a card that he really didn't need to say that he loves me. That is the modern day "macho" methinks.
And I am sure someone on your end is mighty glad to have you :)
@ sue you bet! Making the guys feel macho ultimately comes down to the girls. So good for you!

8:51 AM  
Blogger eXPerience called L!FE said...

hey, the blogs been updated :) cheers, Shashaank

12:41 PM  
Blogger Sanjay said...

shed a few tears and held my hand during a movie.
buy me a present for no reason at all.
Perfume, lingerie or chocolate would be nice, thank you.
Perfumed candles, bath oils, a dozen roses

Err done all of that. I sort of agree with what you are saying. *A* does not like choc/flowers, but she does almost always appreciate a surprise gift. And yes I have cried. The one that really made me cry was snow falling on the cedars.
I remember us in each others arms sobbing. Might seem funny in retrospect but thats how moments that you remember are aren't they?

I am not saying we all have to be like that, but part of being in a relnship is also about changing and adapting, its a two way street really. :)

Sorry I haven't visited your blog in a while. I thought I had added it to my RSS reader, but I had not. It's there now. :)

1:09 PM  
Blogger Kausum said...

"... Most part men do not care much for romantic gestures, the same way as women do...." I think this is a wrong statement.

Men are happy with small gestures, but do women show those gestures? Women assume that men do not care about romantic gestures. Get them a Formula 1 tickets and their eyes will glimmer. They will be on the top of the world.

"women do that by cooking them warm meals, and doing their laundry, getting things done around the house, letting them spend their day doing things that they like doing. For them, that is love." ... Yes true that is love, but what about romance. The gestures, so that he gets a power drill. If a guy wants a top of the line gadget, are you going to go out do the research and buy it. It may not be the same as flowers or choclate but would you do that?

8:00 PM  
Blogger itchingtowrite said...

loved the last para. wish more men would woo-men like how u hav written it. but i guess men just don't think it necessary after the 1st success of getting the gal to say yes, they would to higher destinations & don't believe in what teh college goers do- give romantic gifts/ cards etc. gifts do come in but more practical ones & more of what one can use rather than the romantic mushy ones!!

2:21 AM  
Blogger M (tread softly upon) said...

@ Shashaank that is great! will check it.
@ sanjay well you are right love is a two wat street and expressing it in little ways should be left to both parties. After all it is all about making the significant other feel happy, right?
@ kausum I believe I have answered that already. Yes I would. And I have. And so have many other people I know. I know people who have got Red Sox tickets as a birthday gift from their wife, power drills even though they had one, just 'cause this one was more powerful and better, and other "men" gifts like a dream camera (and yes after extensive research), cigars, swiss army knife, electronic gadgets (including laptops and pdas). Okay haven't met the men who got a brand new convertible from his mate yet. But that may be because most of my acquaintances are not making enough money to do something that outrageous. Yet :)
And trust me we know an electric saw and a cordless drill is to a guy as flowers and chocolates are to a girl. So what are you talking about?
@ itchingtowrite well as brazen head pointed out after a few years people start thinking about practical gifts and romance gets buried in a pile of dirty laundry and broken toilets. Which is why we get an oil change gift certificate or a toaster instead of candles and chocolates :)

9:42 AM  
Blogger Dadoji said...

m, I feel for you and those countless other women who don't get their fix often enough.

BTW, you need to watch "Love Actually" if you haven't already.

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