Friday, December 16, 2005

Gentlemen prefer.......

Beauty is only skin deep. Right? Apparently not. Okay let me elaborate a little on what a funny realization I had over the past week.

I had a haircut last weekend. Okay........ what's the big deal, you ask me. Well you see this was my first proper "haircut" in say, ten years. I know you are wondering which end of the planet I just sprung from. Well you see I wear my hair kind of long. I mean it is really, really long. And all I've ever done to it in this last decade is just trimmed off the end to avoid getting split ends (I know I'm losing you guys....but the girls will know what I'm talking about). And since it reaches to beyond my waist I felt that leaving it open would not only be messy but would pose to be a dangerous thing with the potential of getting my tresses tangled in barbed wires and the like. Hence....for the last eight years or so I've been piling up my hair into a bun that sits a little above the nape of my neck. It was convenient, hassle free, low maintenence and best of all, nobody noticed the split ends!

Okay the downside to this whole hair-bun thingy was that B hated it and I wasn't particularly fond of the "look" myself. Yes, I would let my hair down occasionally, you know for a family photo or something, but I could never wear it down when I went out. And everytime B would mention doing something different with my hair I would start off a sob story about how ugly my hair-ends looked and how very inconvenient it was to leave it hanging down my back. Now, my patient reader (if you've lasted this long) you may ask, if I was having so much trouble with long hair, why did I not cut it off ? Well you see......that is where my false sense of vanity pops in. The fact is I love my hair. It is straight and sleek and very black. And it took me a long time to get it to grow this long. And the thought of chopping it off just made me shudder. And then, B just adores long hair. I think it is a guy thing. Most men I know seem to have a penchant for long hair. And he would probably just leave me if I did actually cut off my hair. So you see, the bun thingy persisted in tormenting our lives, everyday for the last few years.

Then last weekend I decided I had enough of this and wanted to get my hair in shape so that I could do something more pleasing with it. And so I went into a salon and told them that I wanted to cut my hair shorter but not too short (you see, B and I had already decided what the critical length was for him to be able to still live with me). And I let my hair down. You should have seen the look on this lady's face when she saw how long it was. She was almost sorry to have to cut it off. Anyway, we went through the whole routine....shampoo the hair, chop it off, decide if the length was acceptable, dry it, spray something to get rid of fly-aways and polish it off with a serum to give it gloss. And at the end of it she gave me this beautiful mane that boasted of layers, some framing my face, some a little longer, but the overall length reaching halfway down my back. Which was a beautiful length. Long, but not that long and definitely not short. I was pleased. In fact, very very pleased and couldn't stop preening in front of the mirror for the next hour or so (which if you know me is highly uncharacteristic of my normal no-nonsense self). And B was very pleased too.

After that I simply stopped tying up my hair. No more braiding the hair at night because it makes the hair look awfully wavy in the morning when you unbraid it....and no more piling it into a bun because that made the ends turn scraggly. So this whole week I have been going to work with my hair hanging down my back and getting used to these wisps hanging on either side of my face. What I am also getting used to is all the attention that I am getting all of a sudden. Which brings me to what this post was all about in the first place. I just realized that inspite of all these claims about appearances not being important and men actually look for substance in a female...... it is all a myth. When a man looks at you, he does just that....look and that's it. He doesn't care whether you are nice or beautiful inside....I mean, not right away. He just cares if what he is looking at is visually pleasing or not. With my puritan hairstyle out of the way, and with these shiny tresses crying out for attention I am suddenly swamped with people trying to be more friendly, making conversation on the train, getting stared at, being told that this hair looks good on me and even had someone wanting to touch it and feel how soft it is! How ridiculous is that? I mean, it's still plain old me under here and the fact that I get a sexy haircut makes me desirable and attention-worthy all of a sudden? And that is what I just do prefer goodlooking women. Not because they believe they are going to get her but simply because they like something visually stimulating. And yes, appearances do get you places.

Overnight I've been transformed from a quiet, unassuming, nice girl to this desirable, hot female with the gorgeous hair. That is a little unsettling.

What say you?

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Blogger satchisgod said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

12:31 PM  
Blogger satchisgod said...

Arrey m, sorry, said something, but then!
No more deletions, promiss:D

1:37 PM  
Blogger M (tread softly upon) said...

@ biplab .....So what did you say? You have a terrible time sticking to what you say....atleast give me the time to read before you delete next time!

3:18 PM  
Blogger sinusoidally said...

Tread softly upon has been transformed into a hot mama! Hee hee. I say you keep the layers for a while and enjoy all the attention!

8:56 PM  
Blogger Ron said...

That is a fact of life that i discovered early on in my professional life. People reacted better to me when I bothered to wear a little bit of eyeliner and lipstick to work. Clients were nicer, journalists were more patient. In fact my 1st boss told us one day that we had to make an effort and look nice to work. now the eyeliner and the lipstick have become a very automatic part of my daily routine.

1:50 AM  
Blogger Dipanjan Das said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

4:01 AM  
Blogger Dipanjan Das said...

i don't know how far beauty and attractiveness in a female can take her in life.

but i like to look at beautiful women.:)

and that's very natural.

4:08 AM  
Blogger Sudarshan. A. G. said...


Well... its diff things for diff guys.. some have the penchant for a smile or the eyes... and most (read all) for the figure. :D.

And tresses stuck in barbed wire??????

Wht are u??? Border Security Force???


8:06 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey m !

First off, you are right men love long hair. Not to be taken in a bad way, I love caressing a woman's hair, its a beautiful feeling

Next, I DO know what split ends are, I have long hair :-) and I know what a problem they can be !

When I was in college I had long hair ( because I used to play the drums in a band) and when I left and joined work, I had to cut it off, it made me feel miserable.

Last year after 7 years i decided, enough is enough and I grew my hair back ! - short enough not to be bugged about it and long enough to keep me happy :-)

"Overnight I've been transformed from a quiet, unassuming, nice girl to this desirable, hot female with the gorgeous hair" - Enjoy the attention :-)

Good for you that you finally "let your hair down :-)" you go girl !

On another note, I had some time today and I was reading your old posts and you write really well

cheers !

9:24 AM  
Blogger Prerona said...

me going for haircut after 14 months! :( vvv scared! have waited so long cz too scared to get it cut outside cal - the known people and the known shops :)

thats just the way it is. packaging matters. you just enjoy the attention. once they get used to you like this, it will wane, perhaps :)

10:02 PM  
Blogger Sagnik Nandy said...

is this an old technique for women or what? i have an aunt who used to cut her hair in scary styles just to teach her husband a lesson - is marriage a hair raising proposition :)

2:16 AM  
Blogger Unjustified Insanity~~ said...

i say pWnaGe j00; :)

9:44 AM  
Blogger Rimi said...

i've never stepped out of the house for a haircut, do you know? my dad's a pretty good amateur stylist. i had waist-length hair too, but then my mum made me chop it off. DON'T EVER DO THAT!!!

and hey, you know what *hesitates* even I like looking at pretty women and i LOVE caressing your kind of hair (my mum has similiar hair). and i'm straight. so...well, i don't know. i suppose it's one of those things about being a pretty woman, it's empowering by apparantly playing by patriarchal rules. oh well.

and you, enjoy the prettiness! and never go back!

3:17 PM  
Blogger death said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

1:11 AM  
Blogger death said...

i don't agree

1:14 AM  
Blogger Casablanca said...

men do prefer goodlooking women

Did anyone ever doubt that????

AND enjoy the attention girl! Sexy is in :)

1:26 AM  
Blogger Point 5 said...

This sure does sound like a hairraising controversy. But could't the whole event of people being nicer to u just be deemed a coincidence or could it be something which u failed to register before.

1:36 AM  
Blogger M (tread softly upon) said...

@ sines I am keeping the layers for for the attention I think it comes with the look :)
@ ron agree with you that it pays to look nice. I guess it is considered that you pay attention to your work if you show that you pay attention to your appearance. Why else do we have such guidelines for dressing for an interview. We are trying to make an impression right?
@ whoever deleted the comment....could you let me read? Please?
@ dd of course you'll like looking at beautiful women. Isn't that the normal reaction of the male-female equation? But what I was talking about was people seem to notice me in a new light since I had the haircut. I don't know how far it is going to take me in life, but I know I can get away with things way easier with a flick of the hair and flash of a smile. Now that isn't fair is it?
@ a.g.s. thanks for visiting and yes I've been through the smile and the eyes routine. The hair thing is kinda new :) As far as barbed wires....I don't know why but I always had this fear of getting stuck in them. May be I was in the force in another life.
@ true blue guy....thanks.....for everything you said. And I'm glad you finally got back to growing your hair the way you like it. Long hair rocks!
@ prerona I know the feeling about the alien hair salon. I was so used to Toppers and Sunflower and Prince that I was a little hesitant initially. Have fun in Cal and come back with photos and lots of beautiful memories.
@ sagnik like I told's time to get married for you :)
@ Unjustified Insanity~~ what was that? But thanks for coming here anyways.
@ rimi are you growing it back again? please do....I'm sure it was beautiful. I used to grow my hair long and cut it really short all through school. But now....I'm keeping it.
@ deleted comment that you biplab? again? and again? and again? cholbe na, khelbo na kintu.....
@ death you don't agree with what? that men like looking at prettier girls? or prettier girls get more attention?
@ casa you're back! hope you had a wonderful trip.
@ point 5 I understand that a changed look can raise some amount of interest at my workplace...simply because it's a change and something different. But strangers on the street, people on the train, in the shops....that is a little weird right? I mean this is not the first time I'm out on the street and yes I've had experienced attention and stares before but nothing like what is happening now. Men like looking at pretty females...granted. It is only natural. However if I am getting special attention and favors at workplace, that is ridiculous. And no I am not reading too much into things. Trust me. And had this happened earlier I assure you it would have registered. Women always notice these things :)

9:30 AM  
Blogger satchisgod said...

This's unfair, this time ami innocent - I didn't delete anything. And the shadows that you talk about - I know. But try viewing the snpas on a LCD screen or something. The screen makes a huge difference.
Polarizer kinchi, definitely.

1:55 PM  
Blogger M (tread softly upon) said...

@ biplab okay I apologize. It's kind of like the story of the boy crying wolf. You've been guilty of it so many times that I was beginning to wonder if you actually wrote something in the comments primarily because you get to delete it a couple of minutes later. I'll hold you to that "promiss".

4:34 PM  
Blogger Prerona said...

:) thank you!

5:06 PM  
Blogger Bonatellis said...

unfortunate as it may sound, your conclusion is absolutely correct :)

7:20 AM  
Blogger M (tread softly upon) said...

@ prerona you're welcome
@ bonatellis I know :)

9:44 AM  
Blogger . said...

i cant disagree that men find are mor elikely to linger, or talk with, a pleasing looking woman- not judging it, merely observing. I am not sure how much more the looks will achieve, or how much further they will affect a man (unless he has motives, which of course, is another thing altogether)...

11:27 PM  
Blogger NoviceProgrammer said...

Hmm interesting thought...while wat others have said is probably all true...let me bring in a new idea here - novelty.

I think a lot of people will see the novelty and acknowledge it to u.
Something similar used to happen in our college...none of my female class mates used to wear suits...when someone finally turned up in one in the second year...everyone went gaga over her..:)

3:11 AM  
Blogger M (tread softly upon) said...

@ vague can't blame the men :))
@ siddharth I agree with the novelty factor which is probably what is happening at my workplace. But strangers on the street do not know me and have never met me before. The general attitude of people is friendly and "wanna start up a conversation with you" kind. People are doing me favors and being extra sweet. That is more than just novelty!

9:17 AM  
Blogger Sangeetha said...

i've bin strugglig to grow my hair for way too long now....
and it is terribly dissappointing to digest the fact that looks do help in taking you to places!

10:36 PM  
Blogger Eleventy Seven said...

Long comment line!

All I can say is -
'See what you've been missing all these years!!'


3:43 AM  
Blogger Priya said...

M,there's been some problem with my PC lately, so I didn't even get to see this post till I was told abt it awhile ago by R(the one I keep mentioning in my posts, and a regular reader of yr posts), over lunch. She's totally inspired by yr post coz can identify with everything u've written. R has been living with the same problem (I just love her beautiful, long, jet black straight tresses) for as many years now and her hubby too feels she could do with a change, without chopping it off, of course;-) She just decided that she too's gonna go for it, and of course I'll have to b there to give her loads of moral support!!
All I can say is, U sure inspire, not just through what you write, but also through what you do,softly, but surely. Lead on kindly light;)

4:26 AM  
Blogger M (tread softly upon) said...

@ sangeetha thanks for visiting my blog. And don't give up on trying to grow your hair. All you need is some patience. And yes it is unsettling to realize that looks and appearances do get you places. BUt you may get to enjoy all the attention after all :)
@ saurav thanks for stopping by my blog and leaving a comment. Can't really say I've been missing out all these years....but the last few years and esp since I got married yes, things have been a little dull. Had no clue that having a nicer look would change things so much!
@ priya I really am at a loss for words this time. Gosh to imagine my silly outpourings could actually inspire someone to do anything'm absolutely floored. Please, please extend my deepest and sincerest thanks to R for reading my blog and actually being inspired by it. And do stand by her while she goes about changing her look. Make sure she doesn't inadvertantly cut it off, because people sometimes do go overboard. But I'm sure she'll love the way she will look and so will her husband. And of course you will come back and tell me how it went. Thanks priya, you made my day (and I am still blushing)!

9:13 AM  
Blogger Krishanu said...

When a man looks at you, he does just that....look and that's it


10:47 AM  
Blogger M (tread softly upon) said...

@ krishanu....well may be you can elaborate :) What does a man do when he looks at you? Not you (arg)...but when he looks at a woman. Look inside her? See how deep a person, how nice a personality, how wonderful and delightful and insightful she is within? Or just look at her....check out her face and figure or whatever and judge her based on that? Wouldn't I love to know.

1:42 PM  
Blogger Wanderlust said...

i totally agree with you...infact previously W never used to be bother oabout looks,now he is so obssessed about how a girl looks and I hate him when he does that,it makes me feel he's become so shallow...keeps commenting how weird the girl or guy looks in the attire or hair cut and worse is when he claims every other person who has a dark complexion as not appealing,man!i hate such biased attitude...he is blessed that he is to the fairer side...anyways but why did you have to cut your hair? god i could imagine how beautiful it must have been,i've always craved for hair like that!i remember one of my friend who too had hair reaching down to her waist,cutting it really short to shoulder length when she migrated to Canada coz she was finding it difficult to maintain there(pooh!wish i was lucky to have all that long silky hair for mysel)...sadly my hair just wouldn't grow below my shoulder,no matter what i do
:-(...anyways good that both you and B likes your new hair cut and happy enjoying all the attention,i guess you deserve it!

2:03 AM  
Blogger M (tread softly upon) said...

@ ashmi I know what you mean. As far as cutting my hair it is just a tad shorter than it used to be...may be 3 or 4 inches....what is different is the style and can't say I am complaining. But you have such lovely hair too....I saw the picture that you posted.

9:28 AM  
Blogger Wanderlust said...

thanks for saying so...atleast i found someone who likes my hair :-)

2:36 AM  
Blogger Michael said...

Seems like you are essentializing a bit... especially considering that men vary very much in what they find attractive and women are just as inclined to act immediately on visual cues (whether they are physical or economic). Have you ever had a male friend who was very short, or heavy, or so on... Have you had a stunningly handsome male friend--I bet all the women who approached him were asking him about his reading habits?

So while I agree there is truth in what you say (for instance I am intrigued by what your hair looks like, but then I also became interested in your writings first--of course I will probably go check out Ashmi's photo also :) ... the lesson is somewhat ruined by the essentialization of your truth/s (and it works both ways--think if you came to my site and read me describing how women are "all" like... ;)

Just a friendly observation--and I do like your writings!


7:19 PM  
Blogger Michael said...

As for Ashmi..... wow! I guess I better read her writings so I don't undercut my argument.

7:20 PM  

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