Oh to be twenty again

Do you remember the time when you heard someone talk about a 20 year old and used to think that being 20 was like the end of the world (or a lifetime)? I distinctly remember myself believing that a person who had reached 20 was ancient, prehistoric, OLD. I'm never going to be 2o, I thought. I am going to live my life to the fullest so that when I do turn 20 I will be able to look back and smile and end my days (or something to that effect). For me living was for the moment, for my teenaged years.

And looking back now, I wonder how the hell did I fixate on 20, when 20 is just the beginining? What I would do to be 20 again!! Compared to now 20 seems like paradise. Paradise lost I mean. It was wonderful to be that young without a care in the world. I was out of school having fun in college, had loads of friends, my only damn responsibility in life was making sure I passed the exams, could go out every evening, could do as I please, not a care about rent or bills or groceries, had enough guys expressing an interest in me to satisfy my ego, could flirt and get away with it and feel young and beautiful and desired.

And now I wake up each morning and look hard in the mirror to check if I am getting lines on my forehead? Hmm may be I need to get that firming lotion or that under eye cream for the dark circles. I need to run for 45 minutes (and then pant for another hour) to get the fat from creeping up my hips. I have to make sure I pay the rent, pay the bills, have food in the refrigerator, wash the clothes (and iron them too), get my job done straight, along with getting straight A's in school (yep that still remains). Then when I go out in the evening I have to spend like an hour dressing up to make sure no one can see the lines or the dark circles under the eyes. And after all that I look wistfully at my hubby hoping to get the same kind of compliment that I was used to from my college days but he is busy looking up something esoteric on the internet. So I go up to him and pointedly ask him "sweetie how do I look?". I can see all you guys grimacing. This isn't that unfamiliar territory and I'm sure so many of you have actually been in situations like that. But now you know where the question is coming from. It is just that desperate struggle to feel reassured that yes you still look beautiful and young and desirable! And my better half knows the routine by heart and will mumble something like "you look great" and I know right away that nope it ain't working honey. You are not 20 anymore!