Friday, June 01, 2007

Give the Spouse a Break

Is it just me or has anyone else ever wondered why we need to celebrate every Mom and Dad on the face of the Earth on Mother's Day or Father's Day, irrespective of who's Mom/ Dad they might be? I mean I do understand the purpose behind celebrating 'Motherhood' or 'Fatherhood' and I am totally with you on the fact that we should celebrate our folks for everything that they have done for us and keep on doing whether we want them or not. But what I don't get is why I need to celebrate someone else's Mom/ Dad considering that I have my own set of parents or in-laws to take care of anyway?

You know what I mean, right? Take for example this Mother's Day that we had a couple of weeks back. I was talking to my cousin who said he was taking 3 generations of 'Moms' out for dinner. His own Mom, his Grandmother, and his wife. And this was after he had got each one of those Moms a present. And I was left wondering what the poor guy had done to deserve this. Shouldn't someone else be taking care of the other 'Moms'? I understand that they are all related, but shouldn't his 'Wife' who is most definitely not his 'Mom' be getting the cards and presents and dinners from someone else? Her own children for example? Yes, yes, I know they are still children and cannot afford to go to a store and buy things for her. Yet. Because they are only babies. But how does that transfer the responsibility on to the Dad who ends up footing the bill for the next 15- 16 years until the kids grow up and earn enough dough to buy Mom a present?

Am I the only one who thinks this is unfair? I mean 'Dad' already buys 'Mom' a present for her birthday. And then there is this other day earmarked to celebrate the spouse bit. That's called an 'Anniversary'. So there's enough celebration already. Why does anyone need another day that requires you to buy gifts and cards on behalf of some underage offspring for the next 20 years or so until the kid grows up and assumes responsibility?

I think the people who have newly acquired the roles of Mom/ Dad need to realize that they have to wait a reasonable amount of time until their offspring is at an age where he/ she realizes how important the parents are and can work enough to celebrate Mother's day/ Father's day. And that they should not be laying guilt trips on their spouses to buy them the Every Kiss begins with Kay pendant or the 18 volt Hitachi DS18DMR cordless drill. And that if they need any celebration from their kids they should brainwash their kids to get self sufficient as early as possible. Drill it into their tiny little toddler heads that Mom/ Dad is very important and that they need to find a way of earning money to go buy them a present that says how much they love their folks. Because that's the only way Mom/ Dad will be able to tell that they mean so much to their kids.

Coming to think of it I think that is a brilliant idea. Not only will we have more motivated kids earning their keep by mowing the lawn and doing chores and working at MacDonalds, but it takes the pressure off the spouse while teaching the kids that it is not okay to sit around and have Mom/ Dad do all the 'celebration' that they were supposed to be doing in the first place. And it also teaches the Moms/ Dads that they need to live through years of Motherhood/ Fatherhood, survive endless diapers, sleepless nights, constant attention seeking, rowdy and out of control behavior, tantrums and all the other shit that comes with having kids before they are allowed to have a day earmarked to celebrate everything that they have endured and lived through.

Becoming a parent is the easy part. It is being a parent which calls for special skills. And I think everyone needs to earn the right to celebrate being a parent through years of patience and endurance.

Post Script: For my Bong readers/ if you're interested in reading a post laden heavy with Bengali and sepia tinted memories of Calcutta, you could also check my other post on the Calcutta Blog (which by the way was badly in need of a new post).

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Blogger ghetufool said...

mother's day...father's day...

perfect for west, where we remember them once a year. but for us, in east...where we stay with our parents mostly, there should be a freedom's day. when the mom and dad decide to keep shut and let us do whatever we want.

we don't want those days. everyday is father's and mother's day for us.


1:01 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't understand these days at all.Let alone transferring the responsibility of celebrating it on some one else.I don't think we should be subjected to a day to let our loved ones know we celebrate their presence in our lives.That should reflect in our daily living.

7:34 PM  
Blogger Eroteme said...

totally agree with you...

10:10 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

WAY TO GO!!!! I loved this post. Felt like hugging you for putting exactly my thoughts into words :-)
Can I also add that I find it very awkward and superficial to greet any 'with-child' woman/man you come across on these days with a "Happy Mother's/Father's Day" greeting. Its just silly!

11:11 AM  
Blogger Rohini said...

Another one of those money-spinning days created by the greeting card companies...

1:07 PM  
Blogger Suchi said...

mother's day father's day
what next?
dog's day cat's day best friend's say
neighbour's day ............
Loved your post on the Calcutta blog by the way, very evocative of the sights, sounds and smells of the place.

3:24 PM  
Blogger Little Miss Muffet said...

i think we should celebrate our parents every day instead of one particular them gifts without a reason would be better than giving them one coz it's "that day". i can understand ur friend taking out all the women in his family though...might be difficult taking only one's own mother out if there are other mothers/women also present... i guess it's just another day used to get presents :)

4:42 PM  
Blogger SeePearrl said...

hey very nicely put thoughts!

6:40 PM  
Blogger M (tread softly upon) said...

@ ghetufool agreed we don't need a special day to celebrate our parents. We do it all the time. But that is not what I was talking about in this post. This is not about not having mother's day/ father's day. This about not having to celebrate it for people who are not your Mother/Father.

@ educatedunemployed absolutely true. And I think we all agree on that bit. But I also think it is great to have another day when you can make them feel happy and special. And I realized that last year.
You can check here

@ eroteme thanks:)

@ aruba I was expecting brickbats and pissed off 'Moms'/ 'Dads' telling me what a bunch of bullshit this was :)

@ rohini if only the buck stopped at Hallmark :)

@ suchi thanks. But I have nothing against Mothers day or Fathers day or any day for that matter. It's when we have to greet every Mom/ Dad that we meet which I find amusing. And i pity the spouses who have to go along with the charade for the sake of their kids.

@ little miss muffet honestly one is welcome to celebrate their wives/ husbands, children, parents or anyone any day they want to. It's not a big deal. But Mother's Day should be for me and my mom. I don't see why I should have to share it with a 'wife'. She should wait whatever number of years for her son/ daughter to grow up before she gets some return on her investment :) That's all I was trying to say. It's not about not celebrating the special days. It's not about not showering people with presents or cards or whatever else one feels like. It's about the social pressure.

@ white forest thank you for stopping by here.

9:57 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

LOL. Loved this post. And yes, couldn't agree with you more.

3:32 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Made an interesting post that one with a good perspective, but have written my thoughts over it there. :))

5:45 PM  
Blogger Shuv said...

last month there was an 'international project manager's day'..i mean how more ridiculous can this get??

12:25 AM  
Blogger Kele Panchu said...

Yes, I want some day for me too! How about a de-gifting day? Everybody who has taken a gift from me can return the favor. :)

11:31 AM  
Blogger M (tread softly upon) said...

@ teardrop thank you.

@ educatedunemployed :)

@ shuv well if you asked the project managers I don't think they'd quite agree with you on that :)

@ kele panchu and you still exist!!! Wonder of wonders :))

9:41 AM  
Blogger ghetufool said...

i know what you talked about. bou-k maa gyan kora. eta aabar ki aadikhetta. biharira bodhoy ei jonyoi oi gaalita aabishkar korechilo.

10:27 AM  
Blogger Bonatellis said...

give a break? or break him/her :)

7:35 AM  
Blogger That Girl said...

i know i might sound terrible.. but i really dont like this tradition of mothers day, fathers day, childrens day etc etc.. we have got to celebrate these people everyday.. it turns out to be such a racket when you HAVE to do something on this day or else people label you ungrateful and some such nonsense...we went to Ed's parents' for Mother's Day and it was such a let down.. HOW do you celebrate a terrible mother? HOW?.. and what on earth do you do when she acts so complacent!yet expects gifts?@?@

12:11 PM  
Blogger Keshi said...

**Becoming a parent is the easy part. It is being a parent which calls for special skills

I totally agree!


3:00 AM  
Blogger Sue said...

On the other hand, when the Dad gets Mum a card like this, who am I to complain?

11:50 AM  
Blogger Something to Say said...

well nobody took me out for dinner or gave me a gift or even a card :(
And who cares....I still luv my son and he still adores me right back!

5:46 PM  
Blogger Aishwarya said...

do I know you on, by any chance?

3:41 PM  
Blogger Chilla-Bong said...

M, this blog is crying for one of your lucid posts. The sooner the better. Awaiting eagerly.

4:40 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Have been reading your blog for sometime now - very heartfelt - keep writing.

Also, a very random idea — I have been religiously wasting my time these days — in things as inconsequential like YouTube, et al — and I saw this video today !

At some point, could you write about what you thought of it — just a request. Be well.

12:16 AM  
Blogger Shuv said...

hey long time no post!

3:36 AM  
Blogger AMODINI said...

I'm actually very glad that there is a Mom's Day and a Dad's Day. And no I don't go around greeting every Mom and Dad I meet (sounds a bit ridiculous). And I'm actually pretty sick of the we-love-them-every-day-so-why-a-special-day deal. Really ? Moms are most unappreciated in India. All the men and women who love their Moms, should try and spend a day with her, doing all her chores, cooking for her, waiting on her, and treating her like a Queen (which she is). Mostly the I-love-my-Mom is all lip service - so I really wish that Mom's & Dad's day were celebrated with gusto in India too.

1:31 PM  
Blogger Wanderlust said...

good thought....i agree with most fo what u said....infact the way we tend to take our parents for granted....i feel that evryday we should make an effort to make our parents feel extra special, n not thi8s one stupid day to shower all our love n affection......:)

1:52 AM  
Blogger Sudipta Chatterjee said...

Long time no posts... all okay?

11:44 PM  
Blogger Sue said...

Posting time, M -- you've been tagged. Write about what makes you all judgmental.

7:50 AM  

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